Saving Me
by slstmaraudersjple
Summary: Three times the FBI goes to her, and one time she goes to them. A character study of Ashley Seaver.


Summary: Three times the FBI goes to her, and one time she goes to them. A character study of Ashley Seaver.

**Saving Me**

The first time they come to her is when she is 10.

There have been stories of a serial killer, someone who killed many women, and most of them come from North Dakota, the state where she lives with her family.

There were at least 7 missing women from her town, her small town with a small population where everybody knew one another.

She is sitting on the couch, watching television with her father. Lately, all that is on is the news of the missing women, of schools being shut down because they're afraid that the children will start to disappear. It's silly, Ashley thinks logically and reasonably, because if the only people missing are women, shouldn't they take away the women and put them somewhere safe, like what her father did with Miss Ellie, the kindergarten teacher?

Her father is quiet. It's almost frightening, because she doesn't remember ever seeing him so still.

Her mother is out grocery shopping for dinner and so she and her father are at home.

Suddenly, there are sirens outside their house. Startled, she stands, but her father barks, "Sit down!" and she complies, scared of her father for the first time.

"Charles Beauchamp, this is the FBI. Come out with your hands up or we're coming in!" An unfamiliar male voice shouts.

There is silence, and then the sound of the front door being kicked down.

Ashley screams, terrified, petrified, on the couch.

There is the sound of rushed footsteps, and seconds later police officers and men wearing vests with 'FBI' enter the living room, guns pointed towards her father.

Ashley isn't aware that that tears are streaming down her face until they slip off her face and land on her arm. Startled, she looks at her hand, a sort of bewilderment settling over her.

"Ashley Beauchamp?" One of the FBI men asks gently, putting away his gun. The rest of the officers and FBI agents keep their guns pointed at her father.

She looks at him, and he is gesturing for her to go to him.

Ashley looks up at her father, a sense of dread coming over her. "Daddy?" She asks, her voice coming out as a strangled whisper.

He is so, so still.

"I thought you were keeping Miss Ellie safe," She says tentatively, her eyes and voice slowly filling with horror as her mind pieces everything together. "You… it was you? You killed all those nice women?" She asks, her eyes wide and shining with unshed tears.

"They're not nice!" Her father suddenly barks, turning and completely ignoring the officers and agents to grasp her by her shoulders and shake her in his bruising grip. "They're evil in the flesh! I told you. Nobody. Is. Going. To. Hurt. My. Little. Girl."

"But _you're_ hurting me," She chokes out, sobbing. Her head is spinning, trying to desperately process everything at once. She doesn't want to believe it… but they say seeing is believing, and she has seen it all.

Her father slowly lets go of her, and she turns and blindly runs to one of the FBI agents, who scoops her up and tells her everything is going to be all right, and does she know where Miss Ellie is? She nods and tells them about the cellar downstairs, the one they use for storms and emergencies. No one's allowed down there, not even her mother.

The officers and agents thank her, and they find Miss Ellie and some of the other missing women.

Her father kills 25 women by the time she is 12.

They take her father away from her, leading to the collapse of her family.

* * *

The second time they come to her is years later, when she is in high school. They've moved to Rhode Island, to a small town. It's a fresh start, a clean slate, and she plans to make the most of it.

It is her junior year, and instead of partying or going on outings with friends or fretting over what dress to wear for homecoming or prom like a normal teenager (because despite it all, she has been told that she is good looking and that a lot of boys are crushing on her, but she is not vain because when she looks in the mirror all she sees is a blank face and she wonders how people can even think she's pretty because she's not), she isolates herself and instead, focuses on her studies. She's an excellent scholar, a year ahead of her studies, and if all goes well, she should graduate when she's 16.

She goes home after school, goes into the kitchen, and finds her mother distressed.

Before she can ask her mother what is happening, she hears sounds coming from the dining room. Looking at her mother with concern, her mother shakes her head and says quickly, "It's them again."

There is no doubt as to who they are.

Ashley slowly goes into the dining room and finds them sitting around the table.

"Can I help you, Agents Hotchner, Rossi?" She asks evenly, keeping her voice dispassionate.

"We have a couple questions for you, and only you can answer them." Aaron Hotchner says, looking reluctant.

She nods, equally reluctant, but knows it must be done.

It's about her father, of course. The trial, after years and years of compiling evidence and testimonies, is over. North Dakota doesn't have capital punishment (death sentence) so they sentence her father to life in prison instead.

After they leave, her mother stands up and reaches over to the cupboard and pulls out three bottles of vodka, uncorking one and downing it like a thirsty man needing water. This is the start of the endless cycle of alcoholism that her mother loses herself to until her death.

She loses her mother, and she is alone.

* * *

They come to her again and ask for her assistance on a case involving a serial killer targeting women.

Agent Rossi shows up at the obstacle course while she is practicing – practicing hard because you can never work too much or too hard, and it's her break after all, and her supervisors did say she could do what she wanted with that time.

"I know you're too busy to just… visit." She states tentatively as soon as they are left alone.

He simply responds, "I want to show you something."

A familiar cold, tingling sensation goes up her spine, and she has a feeling that she knows what it is about, but that doesn't stop her from trying, "Because of my impressive Academy scores? Or my childhood?"

He is silent for a moment, and then he says, "Let's take a ride."

They end up at the BAU. She sees Agent Hotchner, and he explains to her about a serial killer that they believe to be hidden among the community, and that there is a high probability that he has a child, and he asks if the child might exhibit certain behavior that would make it easier to identify the killer.

"So this isn't about my academic scores." She says, disappointment coloring her voice as she gives them a bitter smile.

"No." Agent Rossi confirms, looking at her with an odd expression, a combination of regret and curiosity.

She is so disappointed, so hurt, that they're here because of her _knowledge_ of serial killers. Don't they know how hard she's worked to bring herself out of the shadows of her past? It seems like she can never escape it.

She has nothing left but herself, nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

So she convinces them.

She forces on a bright smile. "Great. Give me fifteen minutes. I have a change of clothes in the car."

Hotchner is quick to intervene, as always. "Agent… we're not detailing you to the unit. We want to ask you some questions."

She laughs softly, feeling foolish. "Right. I see."

"Do you have some concerns?" Rossi asks, noticing her odd behavior.

_Yes_, she thinks.

She nods. "I want to help, and I know that I can." Otherwise, why would they bother coming to her? "But I don't think I can tell you what to look for without seeing the families myself."

At that, Hotchner and Rossi share a glance before looking back at her.

Finally, Hotchner speaks up. "You understand… you go only as a consultant to this one case?"

"I understand."

"And you are to do nothing without another member of the team present?"

"Yes, sir."

It is Rossi's turn to speak up. "This won't be easy, Ashley. It may trigger some extremely painful memories."

It's already triggering some extremely painful memories. She swallows back the tears and emotions threatening to choke her and forces herself to respond, "I appreciate the concern. But when your father kills 25 women before you're a teenager, painful memories don't need a trigger. They just are."

After that, Hotchner and Rossi fall silent.

There is nothing else to say. The silence says it all.

She finds herself meeting the rest of the BAU a short while later, after she changes into more appropriate work clothing.

She shyly steps into the BAU, feeling like a stranger. And she is. Looking at the flurry of activity – there's people everywhere, doing all sorts of different things at the same time – she stands uncertainly, observing, a wistful longing settling into her.

Rossi and Hotchner step out of Hotchner's office. Rossi calls her name, pulling her out of her daze as he introduces her, "Ashley? Agent Trainee Seaver, Supervisory Special Agents Prentiss and Morgan."

She shakes Emily Prentiss and Derek Morgan's hands, commenting, "I've heard a lot about both of you."

Morgan grins. "I hope it was all good."

"Very, sir."

"Anything specific? I mean, about me in particular."

"Oh please, don't encourage him." Emily cuts in, and they all share a grin.

Hotchner says, "Agent Seaver is on loan to us from the Academy while she is in remedial training with an injury."

She elaborates, "Concussion. Hand-to-hand got a little out of control."

"How's the other guy?" Prentiss asks.

"Ooh, don't ask." She gives the older agent a small smile.

Just then, another member of the team walks in, adding, "I was remediated in the Academy also."

Rossi nods towards him, saying, "Agent Seaver, Doctor Reid."

"Um. What was your issue?" She asks, noticing the amused expressions on the rest of the agents' faces.

"Uh… what was my issue… uh… marksmanship, physical training, obstacle course, Hogan's Alley… you know, pretty much everything that wasn't technically book-related. They ultimately had to make exceptions to allow me into the field."

At that, she doesn't know what to say.

Hotchner speaks first. "Agent Seaver is going to accompany us to New Mexico."

The friendly expression on Morgan face slides off as he asks, surprised, "She is?"

Hotchner nods. "As a consultant."

"On?" Morgan asks suspiciously, looking at her with a scrutinizing eye.

Rossi answers this time. "She has a… unique perspective."

At this, she realizes that they haven't told the team. She turns to Rossi, asking, "They don't know?" even though she already knows the answer.

He responds, "Well, we weren't sure how you wanted to um…"

She understands, and she is thankful that they've at least granted her this courtesy.

She turns back to the remaining members of the team and explains, "Seaver is not my original last name. It's my mother's maiden name." At the surprised expressions on their faces, she continues, "Mine used to be Beauchamp. My father was Charles Beauchamp."

There is a moment of stunned silence before Reid speaks up hesitantly, "…as in the Redmond Ripper Charles Beauchamp?"

She nods. "That's him."

At that, Reid continues, "Killed 25 women over 10 years in rural North Dakota…I think that you caught him, right Rossi?"

Rossi nods. "Hotch was on that team too."

"Based on her life experience, we were hoping that Agent Seaver might recognize something in the family dynamics inside the community that could be helpful. We have a plane waiting." Hotch states, sending them off.

She is grateful for his intervention (once again), but as she turns to leave, she feels the stares boring into her back and she can almost hear the silent judgments and accusations that are being passed.

She wants to cry, because it seems that no matter what she does, no matter how hard she tries, she cannot escape the shadows of her past.

After examining case files of possible suspects, Hotch works with the police station and calls a community meeting in the community church. Ashley and Prentiss and Morgan stay to the side, away from the center of attention, observing the community members.

Prentiss asks, "Is there anything we can help you look for?"

Ashley thinks for a moment and shakes her head, responding, "It won't be overt. The kids probably won't be afraid of dad."

"They won't?" Morgan asks, turning to her. "These guys have explosive tempers, don't they?"

She continues to scan the people present, saying, "Definitely. Anger wasn't normal in my house. Usually, when it happened, when it… exploded, it was an anomaly, a surprise. If anything, my father was overly solicitous, too nice. And… if I wanted anything, bicycles, toys, dolls… all I had to do was ask. In groups, he always held my hand. Always. Sometimes, so tight it almost cut off the circulation. But I can never remember him… putting me on his lap, holding me in any way."

The memories are threatening to overwhelm her. She remembers her father smiling at her fondly as he surprises her with another gift while saying that there was nothing his little princess couldn't have, remembering her father holding her hand tightly in his iron grip as he smiled and talked to their neighbors and friends. She remembers…

Prentiss looks at her. "Ashley?"

She snaps out of it, continuing, "And…he'd always… have these talks with me. He was… terrified someone would take me."

_"Ashley, the world is a bad place filled with bad people. But no one is going to hurt my little girl. No one is going to take my little girl from me."_

Prentiss offers her a sympathetic smile. "Because he knew what was out there."

"Yeah. Men like him." Morgan comments quietly.

"You know, maybe this man recently bought gifts for his kids. My dad used to buy me things all the time." Ashley says absentmindedly, continuing to observe the families.

"What kinds of gifts?" Prentiss asks.

She shrugs. "Anything. Everything. I told you, there was nothing…" She sees a family and their pet dog and freezes, another memory surfacing as she says wistfully, "My whole life, there was only one thing I wanted that I couldn't have."

"Which was?" Morgan prods, when she loses herself in her memories again.

She looks at him, startled out of her thoughts. "A pet."

* * *

It is by pure chance that the father of the daughter turns out to be their killer. She doesn't suspect it at first, until he starts to ask her how she knows what the family of the killer will be thinking.

She knows he's angry, but she's too focused on the little girl. She pleads for him to let the girl go, "Don't let her see this, please," And the little girl is crying, and Ashley's drowning in her memories, remembering the officers and agents bursting into her house and turning her life upside down.

"Because…" She whispers hoarsely, "My father was Charles Beauchamp. He was known as the Redmond Ripper. He killed 25 women before I turned 13."

_"I know how it feels. I know what it's like, because I went through it."_

"If you're going to kill me, go ahead." She says as bravely as she dares. "Just don't let her see it. Please."

He looks at her with the same wild expression she saw on her father the day they took him away and forces herself not to flinch.

He presses the knife to her throat. "I have to do this."

"I know," She whispers tearfully. She's not frightened, she tells herself. She wonders, was this what the victims felt like?

At that moment, she hears sirens and she's lost in her memories again.

The BAU enter the room, demanding for the killer (the father) to let Ashley go, to step away. They take the little girl away, Ashley absently notes with relief.

After what feels like an eternity, the man slowly removes his knife from her throat.

Suddenly, Ashley knows what will happen next, but before she can do anything, even open her mouth, he moves.

There are gunshots, and blood splatters over her.

She freezes, wondering why… why didn't her father do the same? And why did this man do it? Why… there are so many questions she wants to ask.

She doesn't understand why.

She doesn't ever think she will.

* * *

She doesn't know how to handle this. She knows she can never escape her past, that it haunts her surely as it does the families that lost loved ones. It shadows her every footstep, hangs over her like a dark and stormy cloud.

She can never escape her past, but perhaps she can make a brighter future.

This time, Ashley goes to them.

* * *

**_Fin._**


End file.
